The religion of Compassion

Buddhism is the religion of compassion, and parents should never forget to present it to the children as such. The Buddha taught the Dhamma out of compassion for the world. Parents should practise the Four Sublime States of Mind taught by the Buddha in raising their children. They are: Metta — loving-kindness or goodwill Karuna — compassion Mudita — sympathetic joy Upekkha — equanimity or “even-mindedness” These four states, well practised, will help parents remain calm throughout the difficult period of child-rearing. This is the right or ideal way of conduct towards all living beings. These four attitudes of mind provide the framework for all situations arising from social contact. They are the great removers of tension, the great peacemakers in social conflict, the great healers of wounds suffered in the struggle for existence; levellers of social barriers, builders of harmonious communities, awakeners of slumbering magnanimity long forgotten, revivers of joy and hope long abandoned, promoters of human brotherhood against the forces of egotism. Perhaps the greatest challenge that a married couple has to face is the proper upbringing of a child. This is another aspect which distinguishes us from animals. While an animal does care for its offspring with great devotion, a human parent has a greater responsibility, which is the nurturing of the mind. The Buddha had said that the greatest challenge a man faces is to tame the mind. From the time a child is born, through infancy and adolescence to maturity, a parent is primarily responsible for the development of the child’s mind. Whether a person becomes a useful citizen or not depends mainly on the extent to which his mind has been developed. In Buddhism, a good parent can practise four great virtues to sustain him or her and to overcome the great frustrations which are so closely related with parenthood. When a child is yet a toddler, unable to express his needs, he is quite prone to indulging in tantrums and crying. A parent who practises the first virtue of loving-kindness can maintain peace within herself or himself to continue to love the child while he is being so difficult. A child who enjoys the effects of this loving-kindness will himself learn to radiate it spontaneously.As the child becomes more mature as an adolescent, parents should practise karuna or compassion towards him. Adolescence is a very difficult time for children. They are coming to terms with adulthood and therefore are rebellious, with a great deal of their anger and frustrations directed at their parents. With the practice of compassion, parents will understand that this rebelliousness is a natural part of growing up, and that children do not mean to hurt their parents wilfully. A child who has enjoyed loving-kindness and compassion will himself become a better person. Having not had hate directed at him, he will only radiate love and compassion towards others. Just before he becomes an adult, a child will probably meet with some success in examinations and other activities outside the home. This is the time for parents to practise sympathetic joy. Too many parents in modern society use their children to compete with their associates. They want their children to do well for selfish reasons; it is all because they want others to think well of them. By practising sympathetic joy, a parent will rejoice in the success and happiness of his or her child with no ulterior motive. He is happy simply because his child is happy! A child who has been exposed to the effects of sympathetic joy will himself become a person who does not envy others and who is not overly competitive. Such a person will have no room in his heart for selfishness, greed or hatred.When a child has reached adulthood and has a career and family of his own, his parents should practise the last great virtue of equanimity (upekkha). This is one of the most difficult things for Asian parents to practise. It is hard for them to allow their children to become independent in their own right. When parents practise equanimity, they will not interfere with the affairs of their children and not be selfish in demanding more time and attention than the children can give. Young adults in modern society have many problems. An understanding parent of a young couple should not impose extra burdens by making unnecessary demands on them. Most importantly, elderly parents should try not to make their married children feel guilty by making them feel they have neglected their filial obligations. If parents practise equanimity, they will remain serene in their old age and thereby earn the respect of the younger generation. When parents practise these four virtues towards their children, the children will respond favourably and a pleasant atmosphere will prevail at home. A home where there is loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity will be a happy home. Children who grow up in such an environment will grow up to be understanding, compassionate, willing workers and considerate employers. This is the greatest legacy any parent can give to his child. div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">